You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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