My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
