I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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