I want to walk on stilts...naked
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
