Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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