The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
