the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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