Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
