Do you still have your period?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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