lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
