I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize