I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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