The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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