I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
