he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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