life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
