i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
