Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
