worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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