You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
