moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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