you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
