Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
