I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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