My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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