I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Your penis caused this!
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