John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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