Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You're like the curious george of whores
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
