Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize