end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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