would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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