he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
