What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We left the knife in your bed.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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