nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
