U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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