I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
