I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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