just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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