There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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