haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
