final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
