we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
