I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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