so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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