Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
