he thought i was a dude.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
