He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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