I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
