yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
