found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
