i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
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mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
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Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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