ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
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There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
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I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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