We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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