wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
