he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
