she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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