Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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