it wasn't lemon gatorade
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
