If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
