I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
