Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
