Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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