dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
