I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
