if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I supernannyed him into submission
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
