is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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